Sending you Festie woo, Lucygoose!

-"Faith is like walking thru a mist with your eyes wide open." (i have no good idea what this means. I just like the imagery.)

-Red, as someone who from time-to-time teaches composition (truly not my strong point in the field of English Lit. Arts) i think you write very well and, particularly when you have spoken in the past about accounting, with eloquence. However, you're a very intelligent and experienced person. If you judge you do not get down on paper all you have or want to say, you would know much better than I. That's the trick (or art), isn't it: trying to convey even in part just some of the depth/breadth, persuasive power and emotional resonance of one's own thoughts to others?

-I do wonder if you can imagine how encouraging i find your complimentary words, though. (And how unfortunate that could end-up being for this bb).

-For my assessment of my ramblings here would be, "Wrinkles, you are WORDY!, often too qualitative to be rhetorically persuasive, your sentence structures - convoluted, the grammar/spelling - idiosyncratic (to say the least) and outright too embarrassing for any professional public writing (which thankfully this is not) and never do you let a chance to use a form of the verb 'be' go by, no matter how much better a different word would do."

-But, actually, what made your comments very sweet to read (esp. on Labor Day) was that, other than sports reporting back in school and past theatrical work, i pretty much cut my public writing and speaking teeth in the fields of workers' rights and labor organizing. (Not a civic area where one tends to see a great deal of success these days, though the voters' repeal of S.B. 5 in Ohio last year was huge and important for various reasons.)

( Undoubtedly, sooner-or-later i will ever so randomly (and apolitically) post here about the virtues of collective bargaining - particularly in a (supposedly) healthy capitalistic economic system.)

-As i know you are retiring soon, i hope you will be leaving that job with a strong sense of accomplishment and pride in your career, a sincere appreciation for your years of effort from your co-workers and community and a financially secure retirement.

-Nef., was that an atypical meeting? Well, i've only been crewing a relatively short time but in my experience 21 topics is at least a third more than the usual, there are generally more "cod" moments, the issue raised concerning the actual "process" was very apropos and it seemed to me that the meeting ended on an atypically poor note. What is more, i thought the meeting concretely demonstrated part of the divide within the workers' community itself, with the greater festival community and most tellingly (and unfortunately) the lack of any specific, well functioning process to help bridge these fissures. (Being knew, what you may not have realized is that many of the issues raised have been brought up numerous times before). So, if anyone is contacting you to help create some sort of community workshop to deal with these issues, i would greatly appreciate and certainly look forward to such efforts, although i don't think that is what you were referring to.

-Di, I am sorry to hear that your "family" is facing so much poor health all at once. We did not meet this year (and i'm admittedly not much of a "woo" person), but i still often recall that precept you posted about falling seven times and getting up eight. Isn't that what we do for ourselves and those we care about - keep going, and help them to do the same.

Di my friend, my heart goes out to you. As I read about your family, I imagine your grief and also fear because reading it makes me afraid for you. I am holding you in my heart.

katie* it was good to meet you and if I remember correctly, I did get a hug. I'm so sorry you were pressured and grabbed by that womon wanting something more from you than you wanted to share. Being able to look inside for what you really want is a strength, I'm glad you have that ability. It is a muscle I'm working on strengthening in myself!

I'm melancholy. School is throwing barriers at me, inhibiting my ability to move forward. My grades are decent, although I am no genius I am satisfied with my grades. I am only eligible for federal loans for three more semesters due to an excess of credits from past degrees. Also my advisor advised me to test out of a class and it turns out the school I attend doesn't accept credits from CLEP exams. I did successfully pass the test, but it may be a waste of $100. Perhaps I'll work on transferring to a different school. I guess I am arrogant; I think they should be grateful to have me as a student.

Family relationships are evolving and I am having growing pains, contributing to the melancholy. Change sucks sometimes but I am assured by friends better times await.

wrinkles, I wish I had the skills to facilitate a way to address the "great divide" in our community. Did you attend the intensive workshop in 2011 led by Jona and someone else (I wish I remembered her name)? I had high hopes for that and was disappointed. I wish I had some solutions or even credible suggestions but I may be too close to it to be of service. Perhaps over the year I'll have some ideas. Want to brainstorm with me? I am open to all ideas. I know change is coming in our community and I am ready.

I wish I were confident in myself in speaking clearly in the moment. I do my best communicating with time to edit and tend to blurt and feel like I babble to little effect in the moment, particularly regarding emotional issues and few things bring out the emotions like fest.

Knowing a loved one is in pain is a separate kind of pain. I don't like feeling helpless.

Who's a threadkiller???

Aw, Nef, not you. For me, I didn't answer because I don't know where the answer lies. All I know is that I felt as if I had finally found home when i came to fest and I want to be able to keep coming for many years to come. And thank Goddess for Facebook where I am able to stay in touch with so many of you! :)

1. oh my I've been gone from here for soooo long!

2. but I read here frequently and think about you often

3. fest 2012 was the best yet! sooo many deep wonderful connections with amazing women! I love you all!

4. i loved that so many of my festie friends were workers this year.

5. my campsite was excellent! The locate was not private but ideally situated, my neighbors were lovely, and a tarp up, patio rug, big log, & folding chairs created a welcoming living room for friend to gather in.

6. life is good. really good!

7. I've lost 30 pounds over the summer. whooo hooo! There's a spring in my step and I can do my own pedicures! I bend better!

8. my dog is under the desk farting in her sleep. O . M . G ~eyes watering~

9. Sat an old friend and I are going on a 4 day, 3 night backpacking adventure. looking forward to easy miles and deep conversations.

10. it's official: March 5, I step off at Springer Mountain in Georgia and if all goes as planned, 6 months later on my 60th birthday, I will summit Mount Katadhin in Maine. Yes .... I am doing an Appalachian Trail thru-hike!
AND ... not saying names ... but i am not the only festie who will be on the trail!

11. saw and felt you many times this year.

1. nef: Yeah, we did finally meet on The Land! And we had a wonderful festie hug. :) Thank you. I am glad that I am finally getting better at only sharing my body in ways I want to. Hope to get to sit down and chat with you next year! :)

2. lucygoose: Sooooo much woo to you, sister. I am sorry to hear that this awful disease is trying to rip your world and the worlds of those you love apart. Goddess grant you and your loved ones strength, patience, faith, hope, love, and healing.

3. In class. Again. Apparently "Assistive Tech in Special Ed" is also code for "Boredom with a Tempting Computer at your Fingertips." But hey, I'm not complaining about time to catch up with my family. :)

4. Probs the biggest news in my life: I cut my ex/best friend out of my life. Again. I just can't seem to make myself my first priority if she's in my life.

5. I don't miss her as much as I thought I would. I guess that's a sign that I did the right thing.

6. Trying to be a little more productive and independent. I have found myself becoming a passive observer in my own life. Time to shut that down.

7. I need to start doing more yoga; I need to get checked back into my body. I think that's part of the problem.

8. Oh yeah, good news! Dave's Cosmic Subs (the sub shop I used to work at) closed and is opening under new mgmt. So I re-applied, and guess who got hired?!?! Oh yeah! :) I told her that I'm interested in a mgr position, but I would accept any position. She told me she is still shuffling people, but that I am still being considered for asst mgr and mgr! :D I don't know if I'll get a managerial position or not, but that would be awesome! Oh yeah, potential pay raise!

9. Oh my gosh, this prof is so boringgggggg!!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, I don't think that there's anything in arm's reach that's sharp enough to give myself a lobotomy. Alas, only 30 more minutes.

10. I love reading what is going on in all of your lives. Woo to each and every one of you, sisters, and may your day be woo-nderful. :)

1. completely behind on this thread. I don't have the wherewithal to catchup.
2. Today is the 4 month anniversary of my stroke.
3. Been struggling with depression and mania in turns....sometimes both at the same time. Love brain chemestry....Yes I'm starting a new drug to help with that. Guess it's normal after a brain injury.
4. I'm getting dangerously used to not working. Not a good thing. I'm too young to retire
5. Monday was my first rehearsal with the choral union since my stroke. I was not prepared for how exhausting and challenging it would be. After the first half hour I had to stay seated. By the last half hour I was so brain fatigued I was manking mistakes I normally wouldn't make. I was shaking with exhaustion after two hours of rehearsal.....not good. I will not quit....I just have to consider this as part of my rehab
6. After Monday's rehearsal experience I nixed my plan to join another choir. just not ready yet.
7. I started a short writing class on Cookbook Memoir writing. I should be working on my homework assignment right now but I'm having a hard time focusing on one specific story/recipe.
8. I started PT tuesday. After 15 minutes on the treadmill my BP and HR were same as resting.....this is good cause I'm not suppose to get my BP too high. Risky. I have come to the realization that I may have some involvement in my left leg. It gets tired and I start dropping my foot when Im walking. I also start walking like a drunk after a bit....my balance gets wonky. They tested and it isn't an issue with the balance center of my brain. at least that didn't get damaged.
9. My romantic life right now is confusing and complicated. Not sure where it's going but I'm spending a ton of time daily on the phone/texting with someone from texas. (Yes HF....you know who I'm talking about....don't yell at me. :) )
10. I'm saddened that fall is arriving. The leaves are already falling due to the drought. Winter is coming and I'm not sure what it's going to bring. I won't start working until at least November and with all the changes due to the company split it's going to be like starting a new job.
11. I've picked up the evil smoking habit again. Gaahhhh....bad idea I know.
12. I'm overwhelmed by all the medical bills and insurance crap. THey are billing me way more than what my annual out of pocket should be. I just don't have the wherewithall to wade through the mess. I'm contemplating bankrupcy....
13. Sisters you are missed....

10 Life is good
9 Life is really really good
8 Job sucks really really bad, good thing that is the only bad thing in my life
7 Had a telephone job interview, I hear next week if I get another interview
6 My sweetheart comes to see me in 62 days, she's on an amazing journey
5 Bunny, your hike sounds amazing, The great adventures of Bunny
4 Amberlight, you have shown strength, you can overcome your obstacles
3 Rode my bicycle to work today, not looking forward to trekking to work in the snow this winter (wish for new job with parking)
2 I have no idea what to make for dinner
1 Life is extremely good

1. This is my first post on the board.
2. Today was cold and tonight is colder. The aspens on the mountains are turning yellow.
3. Communicating in a way that I want to own is so hard. Who taught you to please others before your own heart?
4. I still resist yoga.
5. I get irritable when I encounter fanatacism and dogma. It's all so personal, isn't it? How does what works for anyone work for anyone else?
6. My partner is making two soups. Two. Soups. Right now.
7. Weekends have gotten shorter, no?
8. On Tuesday morning of this year's fest I spent a few hours alone in our tent. It was the first time I was without anyone, no animals, no partner, no friends, for any significant length of time. It was just what the doctor ordered, and is ordering again. I wrote and sketched and drank black instant coffee.
9. This was my first fest.
10. I want to make space for fest every year, and allow myself to spend as much time alone as I want, without worrying about doing it wrong.

1 – Amberlight I am glad you are doing good things for yourself and that you recognize those things that may hinder your future.

2 – Di, yeah cancer, that is what got Dad, his brother and his father. Throwing all the woo I can your way. It is a malicious, unforgiving and totally random disease. I really hope you can hold onto to each other through this. I wish you sweet grace and peace to abide you.

3 – RL, great plan, I hope the weather holds for you. March 5th is pretty early to head out. If this winter is as mild as last winter you should have no problems. I realize with recent events I can never be a thru hiker, but hope to get it done in sections. Well, maybe not all of the sections at that.

4 – Just in case you do not know it, Nef is a hero of mine.

5 – You know Katie*star sometimes it is good to just sit with yourself and contemplate, it is not so much being a passive observer as it is giving your self time.

6 - Aw Wrinkles you leave me blushing. I agree, it is in the trying and if I encourage you to keep on, well it is a stroke of great luck for this BB. Now see you telling us where you honed your skills is absolutely fascinating. If I can remember until next summer I would love to hear more about that.

7 - My pain is fairly well modulated and I hope to wean down the meds as time goes by. I sat out in the family room this morning. That was as exciting as a field trip to the zoo was in elementary school! One thing about the meds, is that I am pretty dopey a lot of the time, or asleep.

8 – I found out the sweats are from the anesthesia and could last a couple of more weeks. But I have the luxury of a rigged out shower to just sit in and realize how damned lucky I am. Kings and Queens of yore did not have the things I have; in fact the majority of world is not as wealthy as I. Hot water, a bed, knowing I have more food than I need and on top of that I have a new knee!

9 – And my wound got measured to be nine inches long. Which is just fine, since I was guessing 10-12 inches. And I might add, a handsome well-behaved wound it is.

10 – So I am contemplating bicycle trips in my retirement, since bicycling is one of the things that is encouraged. I am reading about a trip to the Keys and another along the North Carolina coast. And I will hike the AT in sections, probably a week at a time. My retirement is filling up fast.

11 - Welcome aboard the board TGhost.

13 – Funny how we remember your smiles, your great and wonderful smiles.

-Nef., i wasn't actually referencing the wbw issue ( i did not attend that workshop. A morbid curiosity could have possibly drawn me to the intensive. But, frankly, i know around there these days when the fix is in; or at least i think i do and i don't have much patience for it. i recall a gal by the name of Amber being the co-presenter.) And i didn't mean to leave you hanging so long for a reply, but at times i worry about posting something here in a fit of candor which i will later want to retract due to a sense of perhaps misplaced loyalty to the festival.

-But, if we can't have serious discussions on the bb about the festival, both good and bad, what's the point?

-I was referring to my growing frustration with the format of the community meetings, the abuses there of and its lack of ability to actually lead to much of anything being resolved.

-I hate to say it, but i think we need a workshop to process how to process (which coming from a thinker, not a processor, such as my self is a scary thought).

-What i probably really need to do is just put myself on ice for a year. A nasty combination of complacency, frustration and restlessness has invaded my psyche when it comes to the festival now. This year, even when i was there, i was not mentally really there.

-By-the way, this semi-recluse finally picked-up her held mail today; so by Wed. the letters in the mail.

-Red, i hope your healing goes well.

The Ghost Road, welcome!

1. I am sending so much healing woo to Red right now.

2. Put in the notice on the day job. Being a full time writer starting at end of October... day before I leave to go with Nisey to the Wisconsin mini-fest reunion.

3. Had a very mini-rest reunion this weekend with three festies at a friend's farm. Her farm is green and filled with trees and looks a lot like the land. Reentry from that is sad, too.

4. being at fest has made me more outspoken about womyn's rights. I like that.

5. I had a sad feeling of a missed opportunity today... and the saddest part was that as I was bypassing it, I thought to myself, "I bet this is going to be a missed opportunity." and bypassed it anyway. Why do I do that?

6. Second novel is being difficult. I am having a lot of trouble. The first one fell out of me... I couldn't keep it in. Second one is being dragged out kicking and screaming.

7. I have realized that you can fall in love with several different womyn and it doesn't matter because love is good as long as no one is being hurt.

I miss all of you and really want to be back on the land.

~Derail

Red: Ya know, you're right. I need to give myself permission to just sit and reflect sometimes, too. I often struggle to remember that "right" and "wrong" are relative terms, so I don't need to prescribe myself so many "should"s. Thanks, sister. :)

Rerail~

Hello sisters. So quiet in here lol.

I've had an interesting week...my birthday was last Tuesday. My coworkers got me a cupcake cake with pink frosting and Hello Kitty decorations. It was fabulous.

I'm all moved. I have a new car. And in a week I've managed to go on 2 dates, etc, and possibly break a girl's heart. Why am I so good at attracting drama? lol

Anyway, an astrologer told me last summer that my Saturn Return would come early, starting this fall. She was sure right LOL